Surgery

After returning home from our amazing Brazilian Adventure, it was time to face what I had been dreading for 3 months.

After a year and a half of excruciating pain, horrible "womanly" times and an overall constant life disruption I finally went to the doctor in November. After many questions and painful tests, my doctor diagnosed me with Adenomyosis.

Wikipedia Definition:

...a medical condition characterized by the presence of ectopic glandular tissue found in muscle. The term adenomyosis is derived from the terms adeno- (meaning gland), myo- (meaning muscle), and -osis (meaning condition). Previously named as endometriosis interna, adenomyosis actually different from endometriosis and these two disease entities are found together in only 10% of the cases

It usually refers to ectopic endometrial tissue (the inner lining of the uterus) within the myometrium (the thick, muscular layer of the uterus). The term "adenomyometritis" specifically implies involvement of the uterus.

The condition is typically found in women between the ages of 35 and 50. Patients with adenomyosis can have painful and/or profuse menses (dysmenorrhea & menorrhagia, respectively). However, because the endometrial glands can be trapped in the myometrium, it is possible to have increased pain without increased blood. (This can be used to distinguish adenomyosis from endometrial hyperplasia; in the latter condition, increased bleeding is more common.)

In adenomyosis, basal endometrium penetrates into hyperplastic myometrial fibers. Therefore, unlike functional layer, basal layer does not undergo typical cyclic changes with menstrual cycle

Adenomyosis may involve the uterus focally, creating an adenomyoma. With diffuse involvement, the uterus becomes bulky and heavier.

So, in a nutshell, the glands of my uterus were tearing up the muscles of my uterus. The ONLY cure.....hysterectomy.

Although Kirk and I had already decided Olivia is our caboose, this was still a hard process for me to get through. I have had problems with my female parts since I was 16. I've had two surgeries for cysts and two C-sections. I've spent my whole life trying to keep these parts as healthy as possible to have my children and now....they would be totally gone. I found that I had a strange emotional connection to my uterus that I had used to grow three people.

January 13, 2010 was the day. Kirk and I headed to the hospital, answered all the questions (three times) I put my cute gown, booties and cap on and they wheeled me to the O.R. and put me to sleep.

Now, I had warned Kirk that I would sleep longer than the average person. I am very sensitive to any medication and the anesthesia takes quite a long time to wear off. I think the staff started to become nervous and woke me up because I suddenly had full body shakes. The nurse thought I was having a seizure, but I assured her I was alert and fully aware of what was happening around me. They moved me to my room...in the Postpartum ward. They had asked me if this would be OK before my surgery and I said sure, but once I was there and hearing all the newborn babies cry.....I cried. I was next door to the room I stayed in during my recovery from having Olivia. Needless to say, I was emotional.

I did pretty well for the first couple of hours, but then everything tanked. My body started shutting down. They couldn't keep my blood pressure high enough and couldn't keep my fever low enough. The first 24 hours were pretty scary. My children came to visit me (I had no idea I would be feeling so poorly) and they cried. Kirk said that Monique and Olivia cried all the way out to the parking lot saying over and over, "I want Mommy to come home!"

The next morning, I felt sooooooo much better. It was amazing the difference in how I felt compared to just 3 hours before. My blood pressure had finally stabilized, my fever was down, and I could breathe without the extra oxygen. I called my children before they left for school to assure them I was alive and feeling much better. When they came to visit me in the evening, they were all smiles and climbed up in bed with me to watch cartoons.

The next morning, they released me and I headed home. My dear mother-in-law came for a few days, and then my dad and sister came to take care of my family for another 10 days.

It has been a long recovery process, and I'm still not done. 2 1/2 months later I'm still tired and sore. I'm so grateful to all the people around me who have done so much for me and give me so much strength. Each day I try to get back to "normal" (whatever that is) but have found it's much harder than I expected....but....I just keep on truckin' (and sometimes crying)

So, I'm grateful for this look...

Grateful for all the pain...

Swollen ankles....

and sleepless nights.

I'm grateful to be a mother to three beautiful little girls....

Even though they are not so little anymore!